Divorce in the Digital Age

Earlier this week I had some wine (OK I got drunk) quite late into the night and decided to unfriend my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and my sister-in-law on Facebook.

Scandalous, I know.

I left my brother-in-law in the circle of trust. Why? He’s okay.

For the record, I unfriended Peter, king of dickheads, months ago.

When I woke up the next morning, I groggily thought to myself, “Fuck. Kattttttttttttie. What did you do?”

And then, as so rarely happens when one is waking up from the drunk fog, I thought, “Katie. You know what you were doing? You were severing ties with people who, by their very digital existence, remind you of the pain of your failed marriage. And perhaps that severing is actually a good thing. Perhaps it is a healthy thing.” I’d like to high-five myself for stumbling luckily onto something healthy while under the influence of alcohol, because seriously, that never happens. And that is a lot of drunk experience and reflection talking right there.

So yeah. I’m going with that. The healthy bit. And this is why: until I unfriend them, I know that everything I post on Facebook will be something that they can potentially “like,” which I know my mother-in-law will, and with that “like,” it will show up on Peter’s timeline. And if it has the potential to show up on Peter’s timeline, I will use it, likely in vain, as a tool to try to show Peter, indirectly, that I am living a fucking fantastic life that he will be jealous he left behind for his mistress. (Even though I’m not actually leading a fucking fantastic life at the moment.)

And that? That is something I don’t need to waste my time doing, constructing some bullshit life in the hope of punishing Peter.

(Also, I will pause here to add what a sad commentary this is on our culture, but whatever.)

So goodbye, my former family. It was nice while it lasted. I will miss you, but as they say, everything is temporary.

(I’m beginning to fear that will be the phrase etched on my tombstone. Here lies Katie. Everything was temporary. Pass the wine. The end.)

And on that note, pass the wine. The end.


  1. Another beautiful post full of truth Katie. I have a friend who has my back so strongly she actually cyberstalks the people I can’t be bothered with. Like Argyrodes. She told me that A put up a bunch of photos to “show off”. I was curious so I went to look. Hey, she saved me the trouble, she blocked me :) I’m cool with that but why post stuff meant for me and Paul then? Doesn’t she know he doesn’t do social media? Is that another thing she really nailed about him?

    I don’t know, I never looked again. But hell, if I were her husband those photos would hurt. They pretty much rubbed the affair in his face because they were her “farewell tour of homage to Paul”. And Brett knows it. Not my business but another layer of weirdness. Another reason I’m cool with her blocking me :) I’ve no doubt my friend will tell me if something fantastic shows up.

    I am kind of glad I didn’t do the in friending of Alisha after the affair. She did it. Pretty quickly too. I’m glad she did, but I like that she did it not me. Maybe that’s something I should think about.

    I think you’re absolutely on the right track.

    1. Thank you!

      And what a wonderful friend you have. Those are the good sorts of people to keep in your life. I think my best friend would do the same thing for me if I asked. :)

      The leader of my support group always called looking at the OW’s profile or your ex’s profile “emotional cutting.” I am glad to be rid of the opportunity to “emotionally cut,” because I think it would be too tempting for me. Lila I used to be Facebook friends, but she dropped off Facebook a year or so ago. I am VERY thankful for that. Now I don’t have to look at all the comments she used to leave on the things I would post on Peter’s wall. What a bitch. Both of them.


  2. Good for you I say. I started a new Facebook and deleted them all off my phone this weekend as my ex and his girlfriend flashed up on a picture on his whatsapp. F*ck them, I say. If they had treated you kindly you’d want them in your life – they don’t deserve you.

    1. Thank you, and good for you too! Say goodbye to them, digitally and otherwise. Nobody needs these sorts of soul-sucking reminders popping up everywhere.


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